Evening Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's prominent hosts spent their broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas song targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program that allows foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" option for five million. The program's portal promises approval "faster than ever."

"A quick thought for you to wealthy applicants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval numbers amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.